Every relationship has its ups and downs – from fabulous to just holding on.   This is often an expression of the length of time that has spanned the duet.  It can also just be the natural ebb and flow that goes with being involved with someone over time.  Many of the men we interviewed suggest that the best women are often the highest in maintenance.   That often produces, from men’s perspective, the stress in the relationship.   This might cause you to wonder if you are, indeed, willing to sustain this level of effort over the long haul.   Let us assume that because you are reading this article, you need help in improving your relationship and that, by itself, signals a willingness to hang in there over the long haul.

The first thing to do is look for any problems that have caused the shakiness.   Maybe there is a specific reason for the stress that you are now experiencing.   Before you can attempt surgery you need to know where to operate – Right?

Let us assume that you spend too much time with guy friends and she spends too much money on clothes.   The experts on relationship mediation would suggest that you both cut back in these areas as a place to start.   Forget the numbers and ratios – rather it is the intent upon which the scenario is based that presents the strategy behind the example.

The more difficult the compromise the more challenging that which is to be negotiated.   Let us assume, conversely, that the problem is your unwillingness to commit to marriage.   You can see how much more complex and difficult to implement the scenarios can quickly become.  A thorough understanding of these principles of negotiated alteration might, indeed, help to get ex back.  If you are trying to recover a broken relationship, your chance to win your ex back, will be heightened by trying to negotiate a substantially revised relationship.

The key that we are getting to here is one of compromised alteration to the existing relationship that makes both parties feel like they are getting some of what they want, but are not required to do all the giving, in order to get that.  You should both list the things you would like changed in the relationship – in descending order of importance.   Then you should take your partners list and determine in reverse order – by degree of difficulty – how tough it would be for you to accede or accomplish each of them.  Then you simply take each other’s list and, starting with the easiest to achieve or do, you begin to make the changes that you both need. If you are attempting to get ex back from a breakup caused by the absence of a negotiated series of changes, take heed.